I scare myself on a daily basis. I don’t just mean a little bit I a mean a whole lot. I can’t even remember what a ‘comfort zone is’ anymore…
Look at FaceBook on a daily basis and you’ll get a whole lot of what I call ‘blah blah yahoo’ stuff about change…move on! Change is good! Change is the only certainty ! Live your life…blah blah
‘Fanbloodytastic’ if you live in LA and have a personal trainer.
I’m a Teesside mother of two with a personal mug – that’s about as far as it gets! So why did I leave a 40k plus job with a steady income and a good pension? What on earth possessed me to retrain as a hypnotherapist?! Crazy right? Crazy enough to need therapy?
Sometimes, I still think I am a little crazy but, as I discovered there’s a lot more to this whole ‘change your life thing’ than just wishing it to be different.
I was really worried about who or what was going to pay the mortgage and the kid’s dinner money and yet I was so miserable in my day job and fearful every second of being told I was inadequate (OFSTED term) or of being found one day slouched over my over heated laptop muttering about data and reports, that in the end I decided my mental health was much more valuable than a pension scheme.
In short, decided that my kids (who rarely saw their mother unless she was attached to her computer writing endless reports) needed me more and if my marriage was going to survive, it actually required some effort on my part other than the occasional casserole on the slow cooker and a conversation about the heating bill and next day’s packed lunch. Sound familiar?
Working 50 plus hours per week on the teaching tread mill, watching fellow teachers being demeaned, devalued and devastated on a weekly basis by the powers that be was draining.
It seemed no matter how I tried, nothing was ever good enough; nothing was ever enough. I felt I was failing on all fronts – stressed teacher, stressed mother and stressed wife.
I was scared from my mental health and everyone was suffering.
A better way
Following a tough trip to the doctors – who told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to take time off – I decided that I needed to give this yearning to find a better way to live a chance; I just couldn’t lie on my death bed with regrets of what might have been if only I’d been brave enough to try.
I needed to be brave enough to face my fears. That’s when I decided to follow my intuition. At first I didn’t really know what it was that was driving me forward; I had taken a Diploma course in NLP back in 2009 with Alan Johnson an amazing NLP Trainer in Northallerton, it was a revelation and used it extensively within my job so it seemed natural to me that I would use some of those skills to help me.
I booked myself on a refresher week with Ali Campbell Coaching up in Glasgow and quite frankly never looked back. As soon as I was with other like minded individuals I felt like I was coming home – something just made sense. My intuition was so clear that it almost sounded like someone else’s voice, and yet it was my own.
Day by day I began to practice meditation strategies – note I did not say ‘sit in a room with a candle and think happy thoughts’ – I can’t do that as it happens, my brain is too active. I’m a busy mum and I have to pay the bills but that doesn’t mean I can tap into that part of myself that is the compass for the way forward. Every day I worked on an aspect of my life that I wanted to be better. I used positive visualisation methods, walked my own timeline therapy, talked to other people, learned and learned and learned new knowledge like I never had before. I learned that the whole world can go to ‘hell’ (and my world did for a time but that’s another story) and you can be ok. In the centre of the chaos you can be ok and see a way forward.
Did it work?
Good question. Well all I know is this: two years after my ‘rock bottom’ lowest point in my life I am still standing. A year from walking away from a job that nearly killed me mentally and physically and cost me my family we are still together and stronger than those that tried to harm us.
I still work part time as a teacher but it is on my terms and actually, I really like teaching when I am valued. As I write this, I am about to celebrate my third year in business and my first year in my own Therapy Rooms in Guisborough in the Bow Street Centre. I work with a like minded individual and now good friend who does the most amazing stress busting massage ever!
I took a chance… things were uncomfortable financially for a time but I just kept going. I listened to my inner voice, my guidance, the compass that keeps me focussed and I appreciate angelic guidance too!
I discovered that when you free your mind and dream your dreams then actually add some action, wonderful things happen!
I still scare myself on a daily basis but at least I know now that it’s not fear but excitement!