It’s often the first thing my clients tell me ‘I can’t relax – I’m too stressed out ’….’I’m just too busy to relax’ or they tell me that they are ‘haunted’ by negative thoughts… thoughts that make them lose their confidence and self-esteem; pushing them off balance. It all seems so one sided as if they believe the negative voice in their heads much more than their inner voice of calm.
So I thought I’d just remind you (and my clients) about ways in which you can restore the balance in your life, with information gleaned over the last five years working with some fantastic clients….here we go
- Breathe! For goodness sake take time to catch your breath please, whether this with a mindful moment or with a cuppa at the end of a long day, breathe deep and long; really feel the power of your breath in and release the stress on the out breath. I often say ‘letting go letting go letting go’ on my ‘out breath’ – it works for me!
- Release your attachment to the ‘perfect outcome’ (hint the outcome is just that) not everything will turn out exactly as you intended – it’s fine, release yourself from the pressure of perfection: done is better than perfect I promise.
- Let go of the need to sort other people’s stuff! If they are over the age of 18 you are not responsible for the actions they take in their life. If they are under the age of 18 and are not related to you, give them some basic pointers or suggest a mentor. If they are your kids, give them some breathing space and time to work stuff out for themselves; step in if you need to but resist the urge to do it all for them unless they are very very little in which case you may need to be the one to find the breathing space (see no.1)
- All behaviour comes from somewhere – even yours. If the behaviour of others is a source of stress to you, remember it is their behaviour and has nothing to do with you – you are not responsible for their behaviour (see no.3) You can’t change their behaviour but you can decided on how you wish to react to it (hint don’t react!)
- It’s ok to say ‘no’….’no thank you’…..’it’s not for me’.
- You can be a nice person and still say ‘NO.
- It’s called your ‘gut instinct’ for a reason – you need to trust it. How often do you give way to something that you know ultimately would make you miserable? Or agree to take on a job or a role that you really did not want but thought you had to do it (see no.5 & 6 above). Your gut instinct is powerful as it links to your unconscious mind; spend some quite time and listen to it!
- Radiators and Drains….which one are you? Radiators are the folk who will send out the positive vibes….drains will drain you of energy like an emotional vampire on speed…..avoid the drains…avoid them in the office, avoid them in your circle of acquaintances and definitely avoid them on social media!
- Self-care is an investment, whether it’s time to yourself of time spent relaxing with others, book this into your diary – it should have the same level of importance as that business meeting. I book ‘gym’ time into my diary – it’s an appointment with myself – I highlight it and make it happen just as I would a meeting with a client. If you don’t take your self- care seriously who else is going to?
- Sleep! Or at least sleep well. Make sure you are getting enough and that it is a ‘quality’ sleep with a least three sleep cycles. Use meditation music or guided meditation to help create a good preparation for a sound sleep.
- Meditate – there are lots of great APPs out there or you could grab one of the freebies on my website. Either way, Meditation has been proven to help reduce stress levels so even if it just ten minutes before you go to sleep it is worth trying.
- Mindfulness – so much out there about this but in essences it is about ’being in the moment’ rather than rushing 5 thoughts ahead of yourself. Being in the ‘now’ means we are more present with people and more ‘grounded’ in the moment; leave all of the other stuff until you get to it.
- Reduce the over whelm by breaking tasks in to smaller chunks or lengthy projects into smaller blocks of time. I love the 90 day way of working as I set goals up to 90 days ahead but not longer than this when I’m first starting out on a new business or project – it reduces the overwhelm and I can realistically cope with looking three months ahead. Too large a time span and I find my ideas get lost in the ether.
- Time on your own is time well spent – don’t be scared to take solitary walks (borrow a dog if you fancy that – there are local animal shelters who are looking for volunteers to walk dogs) or even go away for a break on your own if you can. (if you’re a busy mum reading this you may be thinking ‘fat chance’ of that happening but there are always Spa days on a two for one offer, so you could go with a quiet friend!)
- Be patient with yourself and others – not everything needs to happen in a rush – perhaps there’s a life lesson waiting for you; when you take your time you notice more.
- Take action on your hopes and dreams. Life doesn’t just happen because of ‘thoughts’ we need to take action. Avoid the overwhelm by asking yourself ‘what’s the smallest thing I can do today that will get me closer to my goal?’ and then take that small action – day by day the small actions will add up!
- Create a sanctuary. Whether it’s a small space in your garden, a spare room or just a comfortable spot in your house next to the fish tank, creating a sanctuary where you can go and take time out can pay dividends especially if you need to find some creativity – letting your brain waves move in to ‘theta’ state means tapping into your creative mind space as though you were a child again – daydream more not less!
- Energy flows where attention goes! Whether it is negative energy or positive energy – we have a choice about where and with whom we spend our time. I know people who say, ‘I’m stuck in this job/this relationship/this life’ but that is not true. You are not a tree. You are not rooted to the ground, there is always a choice – even if that choice is to accept where you are, even if that choice is to make no change – it is still a choice. You are only as stuck as you think you are.
Julie Phillips was a full time English teacher and Head of Department who retrained as a therapist specialising in stress, anxiety and life events that threaten to keep you stuck. Julie is a therapist and an Education Consultant offering training for education professionals as well as those in public front line services. She runs meditation workshops and classes. You can read more about her here: https://www.juliephillips-therapeutic-coaching.co.uk/about-julie/
If you’d like a free Meditation Audio pop along to my shop on site: https://www.juliephillips-therapeutic-coaching.co.uk/meditation-shop/